I haven't updated my adoption schtuff for awhile....actually have been kinda ignoring it...but a recent assignment from my personal coach has pretty much revived my search so I've gone through and assembled everything I know. If you have any information or may have any ideas, please feel free to email me, leave a comment of call the numbers at the end.
Details of my adoption story and search:
I have already jumped through all the hoops with Montgomery County Social Services in Maryland’s Adoption Reunion program. I had a Confidential Intermediary and she has found and spoken to both b-parents...b-mom/natural mom/first mom said she understood my interest, would answer any questions I had and would re-connect but neither has re-contacted my CI (she found them about 4 years ago) and CI said she was not permitted to contact them anymore. I asked CI if I could write a letter, send it to her and then if she would mail it to b-parents. CI said she's not permitted to do that and claims she checked with their "legal people" and they said that she is not allowed to. So, there it ended. In my registration with the Maryland program, I had to write a letter to my b-parents and I did. I do not know if they ever received it.
- DOB: February 29, 1968 (Leap Day Baby!)
- Place: Washington, DC
- Original "Amended" Birth Certificate No. 68 4224
- I requested a "new" birth Certificate several years ago and it came back with a 108- in front of the above number.
Date filed: March 7, 1968.
"New" amended birth certificate also has a handwritten number on it at the top center....02292452...the first 4 numbers match my birthdate.
- amended birth certificate lists Paul H. Rubens as delivering doctor (not specifically noted as an M.D. after his name so may not be an doctor)...born at 7:24am
- no hospital listing on amended birth certificate...search angel believes that I was most likely then born in a maternity home...we’re thinking it was the Florence Crittenton Home of DC...this is an educated “hunch” though...not definite
- was in foster care with Annie & Dick (real name George) Carrico for 8 months following birth...I found and met them through a mutual friend of my a-parents...Annie has since passed away...they had sold Watkins Products for several years
- foster care code name "Tate"...Annie & Dick called me "Georgie"
- my parents are very supportive of my search and have given me everything they have as far as documents and information. My mom was literally stunned when I told her I wasn’t permitted to my view my original records. She said, “I was told by the adoption agency when we got you that once you reached 18 years old you could get all of your information.” (ugh...)
- adopted through Maryland Department of Social Services
- Lawyer who handled adoption for my a-parents was Dale L. Button....7424 Wisconsin Ave. Bethesda, MD 20014 Ph: 652-4678 (info in 1968)
- The final adoption decree is dated May 28, 1969. Proceedings were in the Circuit Court for Montgomery County, Maryland. Adoption Equity No. 4457
- Confidential intermediary - Helen Clark, Social Worker with Montgomery Co.
- b-parents were 17 at the time...would place them around 57 years old now.
- bmom recently went thru a divorce...she knows at least my first name (CI told her)
- bmom has another son (my half brother)...unsure of age
- Helen (CI) thought bmom was in mortuary business (no idea why)
- bmom is NOT on East coast
- bdad IS on East coast but not in VA, MD, DC or PA
- I registered with ISRR on Aug 4, 1997
- I asked CI about the code name “Tate” and she said she didn't know but that the last name was not Tate. She said that she would answer questions for me if I asked the “right ones” but that she couldn't offer any info....for example, if I called and asked if my bmom's name was "blank" she would say yes or no. But, my records are now "resealed" as she put it.
- I have no intentions of intruding or interrupting someone's life. I have a life...I have a mom and dad. But, as any adoptee knows, I just want to know and would like to finally have those "roots."
- My gut feeling is that my bmom is merely scared. And I know in my heart that if I could break through just a small break, that I could take away that fear. I tried telling my CI this....didn't help. Helen, my CI, is someone who punches a time clock...not someone who really cares about the job she has.
- My CI said that when she told my bmom that she had found my bdad, bmom said "Wow, that's surprising. I can't believe you found him." My CI spoke to my bdad on 2 occasions and both times he stated that he "couldn't speak right now and that he would call her back when he could." He never has.
- A very good friend and search angel believes there may be a small loophole in my search. We did not know of any birth siblings until my CI first spoke to my b-mom. We now know I have a half brother. We believe that the search program allows for contact of “any” birth relatives. I was not given the option to contact my half brother and have a call into Social Services to request this. Although we do not know his age, I am taking a shot to see what may come from this.
=======
Non-ID information:
(this info was sent to me March 30, 1995...the first time I registered with Maryland and they had an intern named Becky McLaughlin send me this)
The birth delivery was full term, low forceps, without difficulty, although you cried after one minute, resuscitation needed. You weighed 6 lbs., 12.5 oz, measured 19 inches in length, head measured 14 1/4, chest measured 11 1/4, and had an APGAR of 6/9. A PKU was administered with negative results.
The birth mother's medical condition is reported as occasionally hay fever, otherwise in good health. she was a white, American Protestant with blue/gray eyes, red hair, fair skin with freckles. she was 4'11'' in height and 97 pounds in weight. The putative father's medical condition was reported as in good health. He was a white, American mormon with brown eyes, brown hair, and fair skin. He was 5'9” in height and 165 pounds in weight. Other information about the maternal and paternal extended family is as follows:
The birth mother's mother had high blood pressure. She was a white American.
The birth mother's father's medical history states he had a ruptured disc, unknown problems with tingling in his hands, experienced hay fever, and a laminectomy. He was a white American.
The birth father's mother was a white American. No medical history given.
=======
A-parents are: Barbara C. and Melvin P. Thomas, Jr.
Address of my a-parents at the time of adoption was:
3520 Farthing Drive
Wheaton, MD
My mom gave me everything she had. She had a handwritten note from when she received the call about me. It has the following info:
Washington DC born....lists birth info (weight, length) and bmom and bdad weight/height...age of both was 17 years old......next to bmom has 1 of 4 children...next to bdad info has 1 of 8
Other tidbits:
- I'm 39, married, with 2 sons and a german shepherd. Our pediatrician told us that the chances of us getting a girl were incredibly slim since the genes on my side are so strong. My boys are true "mini-me's". Which tells me my b-dad is quite likely the same.
- I have been a stay-at-home dad for 10 years.
- My occupation is musician/writer (drums/percussion being my main instrument)
- I studied sound recording technology and music performance in college
- I spent 3 years in therapy trying to figure everything out
- I have been practicing Iyengar Yoga for 7 years
- I've read many of the adoption books. Adoption Healing is the book that made me realize I needed therapy.
- I have been a member of the AIML list probably since it started since I've been on the internet since before it was the web. I was at one time a member of Bastard Nation. I am currently a board member of Adoption Forum, Inc. (http://www.adoptionforum.org) but will most likely be stepping down soon. I am also a co-founder of Honesty In Adoption (http://www.honestyinadoption.org).
My current contact info is:
Kevin Brent Thomas
490 Honey Creek Road
Reedsville, PA 17084
ph: 717-667-9726
cell: 717-994-6380
e: kevin@kevinthomas.org
web: http://kevinthomas.org
blog: http://kevin229.blogspot.com/
I also write a blog for Mifflin County Living http://mifflincountyliving.com/wordpress/
Updated - Aug. 26, 2007.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
Throat Chakra Dis-ease
So I have been struggling with a sore throat in the evenings the past couple days. I once heard that a sore throat meant you had something to say but couldn't. So, I did some searching and found a wonderful site called askahealer.com...here's a question/answer specific to my issue....(with all due credit)
==
Question on spiritual healing: I had a reading telling me that my Throat Chakra was clogged or blocked. How do I remedy this? And is sore throat or tonsillitis a sign that the throat chakra is out of balance?
Healing facilitation response: Spiritually speaking, the throat chakra quite literally corresponds to communication challenges. So, in the view of the spiritual healing facilitator, problems with the throat area are seen as indicative of some problem with expression.
Energetic throat chakra congestion can eventually be followed up by literal throat problems - excessive phlegm in the throat, frequent sore throat, difficulty swallowing, etc. Of course, frequent sore throat or tonsillitis can also point to related physical problems including post nasal drip, chronic sinusitis, allergies, eustachean tube drainage or even throat cancer so, once a spiritual imbalance manifests as a physical imbalance, it is important to see your chosen healthcare professional.
Before manifesting as physical imbalance, a throat chakra imbalance can be sensed as an unexplained tightness in the throat, a feeling of restriction. It can also manifest in our communication struggles. Anyone with major communication issues, whether those are expressing thru inappropriate expression (anger, rage, bitterness, etc.) or lack of expression (shutting down what we want to say for fear of being judged, rejected, or hurt), should do some work around clearing the throat chakra.
...quoted from http://www.askahealer.com/clogged-throat-chakra.htm
==
......hmmmm....that last part about lack of expression/shutting down....yep....I've found my cause. So, am I more in-tune or have I finally become completely fucked up and wacked out? My heart tells me that I am an open person....I like to discuss everything...philosophical especially. But, just as it has happened all throughout life, I open up and I'm shut down. Shut the fuck up and go back to your hole....get back in line...all in all you're just another brick in the wall.
==
Question on spiritual healing: I had a reading telling me that my Throat Chakra was clogged or blocked. How do I remedy this? And is sore throat or tonsillitis a sign that the throat chakra is out of balance?
Healing facilitation response: Spiritually speaking, the throat chakra quite literally corresponds to communication challenges. So, in the view of the spiritual healing facilitator, problems with the throat area are seen as indicative of some problem with expression.
Energetic throat chakra congestion can eventually be followed up by literal throat problems - excessive phlegm in the throat, frequent sore throat, difficulty swallowing, etc. Of course, frequent sore throat or tonsillitis can also point to related physical problems including post nasal drip, chronic sinusitis, allergies, eustachean tube drainage or even throat cancer so, once a spiritual imbalance manifests as a physical imbalance, it is important to see your chosen healthcare professional.
Before manifesting as physical imbalance, a throat chakra imbalance can be sensed as an unexplained tightness in the throat, a feeling of restriction. It can also manifest in our communication struggles. Anyone with major communication issues, whether those are expressing thru inappropriate expression (anger, rage, bitterness, etc.) or lack of expression (shutting down what we want to say for fear of being judged, rejected, or hurt), should do some work around clearing the throat chakra.
...quoted from http://www.askahealer.com/clogged-throat-chakra.htm
==
......hmmmm....that last part about lack of expression/shutting down....yep....I've found my cause. So, am I more in-tune or have I finally become completely fucked up and wacked out? My heart tells me that I am an open person....I like to discuss everything...philosophical especially. But, just as it has happened all throughout life, I open up and I'm shut down. Shut the fuck up and go back to your hole....get back in line...all in all you're just another brick in the wall.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
A goal or an obstacle?
As I mentioned in my previous post, this issue of my birth records and reconnecting to my birth parents is still weighing heavily on my mind. As I start into this coaching program, one of my main interests is goal setting and then planning out steps towards accomplishing those goals. Well, here's the dilemma....is my lack of records and connection an obstacle that I simply must look beyond, go around, over or under? Or is it a goal that I want to place as my highest priority to achieve? Or is it both? I get the whole concept of no matter what, my response to the event (or circumstance) is what will determine the outcome and/or success. When I look at it this way, it's an obstacle. Thus I can choose to respond to it in a different manner....which is something that I have been quite successful at and thus do not experience the depression that I used to deal with. If it's an obstacle, there are ways to go around it, under, over, through it....or is "through it" the concept of solving it.
If it's a goal...then it's something I need to plan out steps towards achieving that goal. Though I believe I've been taking those steps for the past 10 years and still am in the same place...not because I haven't tried or haven't put forth the effort...those of us who actively search all well know how much effort we put forth trying to find out. But, as we all know, there are MAJOR obstacles in our way. As in, laws. Fucked up laws, but laws nonetheless. I've gone through the Confidential Intermediary Program (ha...what a joke...and yes, Mia is right...North Carolina actually lost out by compromising.....sad but true) and the CI has made the contact, made the connection. No response from their side and my case is now closed...so, how do I overcome an obstacle that I have no course of action towards? There's always the money thing....have said for sometime that if I had the extra $3000 that those search companies charge (or rather rip us off), then I would certainly spend it in a heart beat. So, maybe I'm "choosing" not to do that....there are ways to get the money. Tough to do when you already h have debt and of course even tougher to do when you have a family to support....we adoptees have that issue of not believing we are "worthy" of the money spent....but, again...that's self-talk really when it comes down to it.
Sheesh....this is screwy. Now, add this to the mix. I'm also working through Julia Cameron's book The Artist's Way - A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity. ONe of the things that is concentrating on is how to remove the blockage that is preventing the artist from writing or composing, painting, etc, etc)....well, guess what? Back to the goal or obstacle? IN this case, it's back to being an obstacle and something I need to overcome or learn to work with in order for that creative block to go away. I am creating more already by writing my Monring Pages every day and blogging as well as composing and writing lyrics more and more. So, maybe the block is slowly breaking. It's all so confusing. I still feel like there's this "thing" inside just waiting to bust out of the gate...to be released...what is that? Is it related to these adoptee things? Or is it that life purpose screaming to be let loose and able to flourish?
Does the barrier need to come down completely before forward motion is truly realized? Is it a goal or an obstacle?
From my readings of Joseph Campbell relating to mythology and following your bliss to create your own personal myth, I've learned that the key is to learn how to be present in the moment but not attached...that life is full of duality....that's identical to my readings and practicing of Yoga. In an asana, you are taught to observe the pose...if it feels good, don't attach yourself to the good...if it is challenging, again, do not attach your mind to the challenge. This is duality...good and bad. right and wrong, black and white, north and south, positive and negative. Finding balance is key. So maybe it IS both....a goal AND an obstacle.
The, to top all this off, we watched the movie "What The Bleep Do We KNow" last night....relating to Quantum Physics....whew! My brain is tired!!! I get all that! I really do....but it still doesn't make it easy to accept.
Thank goodness I'm on my way to yoga class tonight! Hopefully, I'll get balanced out by 7pm!! :-)
If it's a goal...then it's something I need to plan out steps towards achieving that goal. Though I believe I've been taking those steps for the past 10 years and still am in the same place...not because I haven't tried or haven't put forth the effort...those of us who actively search all well know how much effort we put forth trying to find out. But, as we all know, there are MAJOR obstacles in our way. As in, laws. Fucked up laws, but laws nonetheless. I've gone through the Confidential Intermediary Program (ha...what a joke...and yes, Mia is right...North Carolina actually lost out by compromising.....sad but true) and the CI has made the contact, made the connection. No response from their side and my case is now closed...so, how do I overcome an obstacle that I have no course of action towards? There's always the money thing....have said for sometime that if I had the extra $3000 that those search companies charge (or rather rip us off), then I would certainly spend it in a heart beat. So, maybe I'm "choosing" not to do that....there are ways to get the money. Tough to do when you already h have debt and of course even tougher to do when you have a family to support....we adoptees have that issue of not believing we are "worthy" of the money spent....but, again...that's self-talk really when it comes down to it.
Sheesh....this is screwy. Now, add this to the mix. I'm also working through Julia Cameron's book The Artist's Way - A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity. ONe of the things that is concentrating on is how to remove the blockage that is preventing the artist from writing or composing, painting, etc, etc)....well, guess what? Back to the goal or obstacle? IN this case, it's back to being an obstacle and something I need to overcome or learn to work with in order for that creative block to go away. I am creating more already by writing my Monring Pages every day and blogging as well as composing and writing lyrics more and more. So, maybe the block is slowly breaking. It's all so confusing. I still feel like there's this "thing" inside just waiting to bust out of the gate...to be released...what is that? Is it related to these adoptee things? Or is it that life purpose screaming to be let loose and able to flourish?
Does the barrier need to come down completely before forward motion is truly realized? Is it a goal or an obstacle?
From my readings of Joseph Campbell relating to mythology and following your bliss to create your own personal myth, I've learned that the key is to learn how to be present in the moment but not attached...that life is full of duality....that's identical to my readings and practicing of Yoga. In an asana, you are taught to observe the pose...if it feels good, don't attach yourself to the good...if it is challenging, again, do not attach your mind to the challenge. This is duality...good and bad. right and wrong, black and white, north and south, positive and negative. Finding balance is key. So maybe it IS both....a goal AND an obstacle.
The, to top all this off, we watched the movie "What The Bleep Do We KNow" last night....relating to Quantum Physics....whew! My brain is tired!!! I get all that! I really do....but it still doesn't make it easy to accept.
Thank goodness I'm on my way to yoga class tonight! Hopefully, I'll get balanced out by 7pm!! :-)
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Identity as an artist...?
I haven't blogged in awhile....though I've been writing quite a bit. Lyrics, words, thoughts, and now Morning Pages in several different journals and notebooks I surround myself with. I've been reading more than ever in my life and have recently been accepted into a Personal Coaching program that I am so very excited about and look forward to focusing on who I am.
What has made me come to the keyboard is a passage that I just finished in the book I am currently reading.....Being Adopted - The Lifelong Search for Self. The passage is the story of a late adolescence female who during college becomes more interested in art and art history and also begins to paint. The more she paints, the more interested she becomes in where this talent came from. Her adoptive parents were not artistic folk but practical and solid people. She wonders then what made her so interested in painting. She decides to search and painfully discovers that her birth mother was killed in a car crash years before. As she learned more of her origins, she found that her birth mother also began painting at the exact age that she did. (whoa...) Her mother's father was also an amateur painter and had been commissioned to do paintings on the walls of 2 churches in her hometown. Finding this out gave the woman permission to round out her identity as an artistic individual.
As I read this passage, I became so excited and began to well up and "tingle." This story just seemed to so resonate with me....maybe because that is something I have wished or dreamed of as we adoptees so often do...dream up this fantasy of who our birth parents are and that we get these characteristics from them. This struggle for identity....to wholeheartedly embrace the artist that I feel I am is at the forefront of my life still today. Especially as I begin this coaching program and define my life purpose as well as setting goals for myself.
Proof being in the answer to a pre-assessment question "Where do you want to be?" Here is what I answered...
"I want to live in that realm of not feeling like I have to “back-up” who I really am. I live in a small agriculturally based town in Central Pennsylvania so that is not an easy task when what I do is quite different from the average. I want to use my talents to their fullest capacity which in turn will bring the health and wealth that I so desire for me and my family. I want to bring forth that full potential that I feel burning inside. I’ve worked so many “jobs” throughout life….which I’ve done well at but none of which I enjoyed and all of which have limited my income potential. I KNOW that the more I use my creative talents, the happier I am and the more I attract the work I love into my life. I want to STAY on that path relentless and regardless. "
Is this a direct connection to my desire to know my origins? I would think so but I just don't know because as we all know, I am not entitled to "know." A question that I have often struggled with and discussed at length (sometimes in near argument) with Mia is then "Is it absolutely imperative that we adoptees know where we came from in order to give us the root for who we are to become or in order to embrace who we are?" Of course, if you know Mia at all you already know her response. Mine, however, has not been as definite. From all the material I have been reading, listening to and viewing, everything says that it's a "choice." You choose whether or not to embrace it and become what you want or do not want. I do believe that but cannot help but wonder if this unknown history is an inevitable obstacle. So how do we go around, over, under or through that obstacle? Because this obstacle is one specific only to adoptees...or is it? Ugh.
I cannot help but dream and believe that after reading the above mentioned story, that that is my destiny too. As strong as this artistic musician character is in me, it must have originated from somewhere. Will I be disappointed if I ever find out and the answer is not what I had hoped? IT brings me joy regardless so I would hope not. But one cannot know until you are there.
And now, realizing that my burning desire is to fully embrace that which I believe defines me and IS my life purpose....music...can that truly be completely realized without knowing my roots first? Will it continue to be the obstacle? They claim to teach you how to go around, under, over or through the obstacle...but can it really be achieved when it relies on information that you are prevented from knowing?
Maybe my first and most important goal that MUST be achieved is to find that root so I can fully become my potential and the true intention of the creator. This is monumental...this is why records must be opened. This is why, without a doubt, that adoption as we all know it must be reformed and changed. Regardless of your opinion of adoption, being denied our roots is just wrong. Becoming who you are meant to be, who the creator intended you to be benefits the entire world....it is truly for the betterment of the world...not just the individual. There is one main reason that records are kept from us....and that is fear. Psychologists teach that fear is Fictional Events Appearing Real. And when you face fear, you become uncomfortable...it is why most do not face fear because they do not want to be uncomfortable....but when you are uncomfortable THAT is when you are growing.
Perception must be changed....for the betterment of all.
What has made me come to the keyboard is a passage that I just finished in the book I am currently reading.....Being Adopted - The Lifelong Search for Self. The passage is the story of a late adolescence female who during college becomes more interested in art and art history and also begins to paint. The more she paints, the more interested she becomes in where this talent came from. Her adoptive parents were not artistic folk but practical and solid people. She wonders then what made her so interested in painting. She decides to search and painfully discovers that her birth mother was killed in a car crash years before. As she learned more of her origins, she found that her birth mother also began painting at the exact age that she did. (whoa...) Her mother's father was also an amateur painter and had been commissioned to do paintings on the walls of 2 churches in her hometown. Finding this out gave the woman permission to round out her identity as an artistic individual.
As I read this passage, I became so excited and began to well up and "tingle." This story just seemed to so resonate with me....maybe because that is something I have wished or dreamed of as we adoptees so often do...dream up this fantasy of who our birth parents are and that we get these characteristics from them. This struggle for identity....to wholeheartedly embrace the artist that I feel I am is at the forefront of my life still today. Especially as I begin this coaching program and define my life purpose as well as setting goals for myself.
Proof being in the answer to a pre-assessment question "Where do you want to be?" Here is what I answered...
"I want to live in that realm of not feeling like I have to “back-up” who I really am. I live in a small agriculturally based town in Central Pennsylvania so that is not an easy task when what I do is quite different from the average. I want to use my talents to their fullest capacity which in turn will bring the health and wealth that I so desire for me and my family. I want to bring forth that full potential that I feel burning inside. I’ve worked so many “jobs” throughout life….which I’ve done well at but none of which I enjoyed and all of which have limited my income potential. I KNOW that the more I use my creative talents, the happier I am and the more I attract the work I love into my life. I want to STAY on that path relentless and regardless. "
Is this a direct connection to my desire to know my origins? I would think so but I just don't know because as we all know, I am not entitled to "know." A question that I have often struggled with and discussed at length (sometimes in near argument) with Mia is then "Is it absolutely imperative that we adoptees know where we came from in order to give us the root for who we are to become or in order to embrace who we are?" Of course, if you know Mia at all you already know her response. Mine, however, has not been as definite. From all the material I have been reading, listening to and viewing, everything says that it's a "choice." You choose whether or not to embrace it and become what you want or do not want. I do believe that but cannot help but wonder if this unknown history is an inevitable obstacle. So how do we go around, over, under or through that obstacle? Because this obstacle is one specific only to adoptees...or is it? Ugh.
I cannot help but dream and believe that after reading the above mentioned story, that that is my destiny too. As strong as this artistic musician character is in me, it must have originated from somewhere. Will I be disappointed if I ever find out and the answer is not what I had hoped? IT brings me joy regardless so I would hope not. But one cannot know until you are there.
And now, realizing that my burning desire is to fully embrace that which I believe defines me and IS my life purpose....music...can that truly be completely realized without knowing my roots first? Will it continue to be the obstacle? They claim to teach you how to go around, under, over or through the obstacle...but can it really be achieved when it relies on information that you are prevented from knowing?
Maybe my first and most important goal that MUST be achieved is to find that root so I can fully become my potential and the true intention of the creator. This is monumental...this is why records must be opened. This is why, without a doubt, that adoption as we all know it must be reformed and changed. Regardless of your opinion of adoption, being denied our roots is just wrong. Becoming who you are meant to be, who the creator intended you to be benefits the entire world....it is truly for the betterment of the world...not just the individual. There is one main reason that records are kept from us....and that is fear. Psychologists teach that fear is Fictional Events Appearing Real. And when you face fear, you become uncomfortable...it is why most do not face fear because they do not want to be uncomfortable....but when you are uncomfortable THAT is when you are growing.
Perception must be changed....for the betterment of all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
