In your court

So, here I am approaching that day once again....are you reading this? It surely wouldn't be difficult to find this. A simple Google search of the name you were informed that I was given. This will be only the 10th actual day since we were separated. 10 days. 40 years.

I've spent the past year reading, viewing, applying and trying to grow self. I've been in a personal coaching program since September. I've read more books than I did in my entire school education (grade and college). What has it done for me? I just don't know anymore. The more I've learned, the more I've "grown", the more I've found peace and grace within.....the more distance has been created between everything else.....everything. So has it been worth it? I just don't have an answer.

My studio is being finished. Certainly a present to myself. I'll get a post or picture blog going here soon to show the progress. It's actually so very exciting and a cool thing about it is a fellow artist is who is doing the work so he "gets it" when I describe what I'm trying to create with the room. LOL....at least someone doesn't think I'm crazy....or maybe he's just as crazy! Quite possibly both. Regardless, it's been a welcomed distraction to focus on this creative space...to visualize....to dream. I can see the whole room finished already....have for some time. And to have someone who "gets it" be the one who also is building it, helping to create it is a wonderful energy that is being created already in that space. Just as a cake made with pure, unconditional love tastes so much better than one purchased at a store.

The plan is to head to the mountains this evening and get the camp ready (warm) for the wife and kids to arrive tomorrow. We'll spend the weekend there. Not sure what we'll do. No video games, no internet, no others. I hope it warms up enough to take a walk in the woods....does wonders for the soul.

As anyone who knows me we tell, this time of year has always been a struggle. 6 months ago I decided that I would view this year different. Utilizing this now known of and recognized Law Of Attraction I would create what I wanted. I had planned on throwing myself a big celebration. As I put it, "kick the door down into the 40's" instead of loathe that they arrived. I've heard so often that the 40's are great so why not hit them square between the eyes to start off. I put all these goals out, visualized them, believed them, felt them.....just as all this LOA schtuff claims. I wanted to release my first album at the big celebration that I would throw on Feb 29th and looked forward to giving out a copy to everyone.

What happened?

No album.

No celebration.

No kicking the door.

Hope, belief, desire, wishes, dreams....notta.

Change? Yes. But none of which I wanted. So by the explanations of everyone, somehow this LOA gave me what I asked for...yet I didn't ask for what I now have...I've received the absolute opposite of what I attempted to attract into my life. And even I cannot figure out why.

Maybe there's some primal, universal, cosmic reason....for the life of me I cannot figure out what it is or why it is. I believe everything comes to us to teach us lessons. What is this lesson? I cannot find the positive in it even though I've looked inside every corner of this lesson to find it.

So the ball remains in your court. I'm flush out of ideas. Out of game plan. No power bars or gatorade left on the bench to refuel the player. No more motivational speeches from the coach to get me back in the game. All you have to do is one simple move......

Answer.

"Something's Missing" - John Mayer

I'm not alone, I wish I was.
Cause then I'd know, I was down because
I couldn't find, a friend around
To love me like, they do right now.
They do right now.

I'm dizzy from the shopping malls
I searched for joy, but I bought it all
It doesn't help the hunger pains
and a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all

When autumn comes, it doesnt ask.
It just walks in, where it left you last.
And you never know, when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart:

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all

I can't be sure that this state of mind, is not of my own design
I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness.
For loneliness like this.

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is
Something's different
And i don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is

2-14-08 iMix

Music is the energy of the universe...

And, of course, Apple knows how to connect.

My first iMix.

http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewIMix?id=274170483

When to teach a lesson

It seems that somehow when kids turn 10 years of age (boys at least in my case) they completely lose their brains. My oldest son is 10 and I'm not just "parent bragging" this kid is smart....very sharp indeed (must get it from his mother....LOL). Yet for as sharp as he is it has become increasingly more difficult for him to USE his brain talent!

Case in point this morning. It is Valentine's Day and the past 2 days school has been closed due to weather (we finally got some snow here in Central PA). I got the kids their Valentine's to give to their classmates on Monday evening when I got the groceries. They sat down on Tuesday with their mom and filled out all the cards, placed them in a bag and put them in their backpacks so that they would remember to take them to school. All set, right?

Well, this morning about a couple minutes after the kids got on the bus for school, as I was picking up the house and folding the blankets, etc in the living room (my family has been home for 2 days....the house is near totaled!) I noticed a plastic bag on the rocking chair RIGHT NEXT to the front door where the kids wait for the bus. Sure enough it was his bag of Valentine's that WAS in his backpack. For some unknown reason he removed it from his backpack and set it on the chair....where it remained.

So what does one do at this point? As a father of a 10 year old son who is consistently "forgetting" things, I wonder if this is an opportune time to teach a lesson.....responsibility for one's own stuff! It's not "my" fault that he left them on the chair. If I wasn't a stay-at-home, work-from-home dad and had (as many like to refer to it) a "real job," (yuk) then he'd be SOL. Do they rely on me too much and thus not take enough responsibility? Is it the "daddy's home, he'll take care of it" or "daddy's the safety net for me screwing up"...?? I pondered if this is that moment when that hard lesson could be learned. He'd be sitting in class, the teacher declares it time to pass out everyone's Valentine's, he goes to his backpack (which btw he has already removed his books from and STILL didn't notice anything missing) and suddenly realizes he doesn't have his to exchange. How would he feel if he couldn't give? I can imagine I would feel like such a heal that I was receiving and not giving simply because I left my brain in bed this morning. To top it off, he couldn't even give them tomorrow...or even Monday....it would be next Tuesday before he could exchange them as there is a Winter Break this weekend. So....what does one do in this situation? Teach a lesson or bail them out? Decisions, decisions....

So what did I do, you ask?

LOL....I'm weak! I got in the truck and drove out to his school to deliver them. Did I miss an opportunity to teach a lesson? Maybe.

One could choose to look at this in different ways. I'm choosing to view it as I'm thankful that I have situated my life that I have the ability to serve my family when in need. Maybe the lesson I was able to teach today was one of giving. That I didn't scold him or criticize him for forgetting. That I taught him the lesson of serving ones children.....serving one's family.

I think so.

Quote's..

Some interesting quote's that have seemed to find me today.

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds...
- Einstein

To be conscious that we are perceiving or thinking is to be conscious of our own existence.
- Aristotle

Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.
- Confucius

The better part of one's life consists of his friendships.
-Abraham Lincoln

And today's horoscope -
You don't have to live a double life just because your sign is symbolized by two fish. Your interests are so varied that others may have a hard time keeping up with you. No matter what you appear to be doing, your real focus now should be on your inner world as you explore uncharted areas of your imagination.