Monday, April 16, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
A remarkable day
I know, I know...it's been a while since my last post. Much has happened but I guess I just haven't been in that creative writing "mode." Thankfully, there's much good to report to help offset this pesky bs with a former associate. It's unfortunate that there are people in the world that claim they are so spiritual and loving when in reality they are self-centered, hateful and just plain fake. What comes around goes around and he will surely get his. But, enough of that....had to just get that off my chest for a moment....
Today is a day that I will remember always. My thoughts and emotions concerning the day are such a melting pot right now that I just figured if I'd write it out it would help me clear my head. So many thoughts....so many ideas....how to lasso them all?
The day started a bit of a mess....typically Sunday mornings after playing a show the night before are tough and I rarely get to sleep in after getting to bed at 2:30-3am...I was fortunate enough to sleep until around 8:30am....but just could not motivate myself enough to get up so i kept hiding under the covers somehow thinking that the day would not know I'm awake...LOL It's not that I wanted to hide from the day but there was definitely a bit of a "disturbance in the force" which I later understood was merely a test that the universe throws at you to see if you're really that serious. Well, I was that serious.
The unpredictable weather we have been having here in Central PA (if you haven't seen An Inconvenient Truth, I would highly recommend you spend the time and watch it) threw another wrench at us with this apparent Nor'easter.....mainly rain but warnings of potent snow storms. Mia and I had plans to make a presentation of ideas. When i checked my email, Mia was figuring the rain was not a good idea to take on today as it was a "monsoon" at her place. So, I kinda decided I should stay put for the day....anticipating issues with flooding and our fence in the backyard (we've had it ruined twice)...and we figured we'd just make the presentation another day. long story short...I decided to turn my cell phone on (I have such a bad habit of not turning it on) and there was a message from Mia (I'd swear we have some sixth sense connecting the 2 of us and up to this point of the day, we had actually never met in person!). Well, the storm seemed to be pushing off the coast and we weren't getting hit as bad and Mia must've got an overall feeling of going through as planned....we talked on the phone and it was quite apparent that she felt strongly to do this today (she's quite a convincing person....but I'm glad she is!) So, a quick shower and on the road by 12:50pm heading to Lancaster.
Driving down, I didn't really feel "anything." As if it was almost business-like....weird....little did I know how touched I would soon be....Law of Attraction. The intention of the day was to present a proposal of a new concept/path that Mia and I have stumbled into and that which we have titled "The Honesty In Adoption Foundation." Too much to go into now but it's a positive approach to truth and healing that we just didn't feel was present anywhere else in the manner of which we have been thinking....so we wanted to share this with some people that Mia has had connections with. Even though that was our intention for the pre-meeting topic, the meeting was an adoption support group.....something I've never experienced. In fact, there's few IN the triad that I've actually ever communicated with. So, this was something very new to me.
As I arrived, I was greeted by 3 natural moms and 3 other adoptees. Mia met me at the door and this was our first in person contact....a shared hug that just felt so right. As we chatted through the afternoon exchanging stories and suggestions, I was deeply moved when listening to the natural moms speak of their experiences....my heart hurt. At one point I suddenly realized that I have never actually met or spoken to a birth/first/natural mom....and hearing in person the pain that they felt was quite overwhelming.
Soapbox Alert! - The general public just has no idea how fucked up this whole adoption thing is....yes, there's good intentions and being served in one sense but the more you learn about the big picture...the whole picture (even as an adoptee, I didn't realize this extent)....you come to find out this is one screwed up mess. ugh
So....even now as I try to collect my thoughts, words escape me. Actually being in a room with natural moms and other adoptees, verbally expressing our thoughts and frustrations was just so......different.....but it felt good. It gave me a sense of belonging. And as we progressed forward into presenting our concept, to see the interest and the joy on their faces was truly one of the most special gifts that I could imagine giving and yet I felt as I was the one receiving. These are remarkable women...remarkable people...who have dug their feet in and pushed on regardless (thank you Dr. Pat!)....I'm sitting here trying to type but the words are not coming...only tears are coming...I think we've found something...no....I KNOW we've found something. I was so touched by these people and I am so grateful that Mia persuaded me to make the trip. It was a life changing moment.
The time seemed to fly by and soon we had to depart. After a mere 3 1/2 hours I felt as if I had known these people forever. The vibe in the room was remarkable....and energetic...joy, sadness, excitement, etc, etc....but it seemed all for the good and that we were truly onto something. Though it was not the "match" of the adoptee hugging their natural mom, the feeling of myself as an adoptee hugging a natural mom was genuine and powerful. As if it was the hug I've longed for and I didn't want to let go. Wow....thank you for that!
Like I mentioned above, there's something that has brought Mia and I together...our paths were meant to cross. As we embraced, I felt as if I was hugging the sister that I had never met. No doubt a spiritual connection between us and whatever label of why or how you choose to put on it, the fact remains that there is no such things as coincidences....this was meant to be.
As Mia and I walked back to our cars, I think we both knew that we were on the right path. Anyone who knows me knows that I have music playing (or a self-help audiobook) whenever driving....the first hour of my drive home I just enjoyed silence. Thoughts would pass through but I just observed them....very surreal for me.
The time is right. Pull up your boot straps. We're about to change the world!
...to be continued :-)
Today is a day that I will remember always. My thoughts and emotions concerning the day are such a melting pot right now that I just figured if I'd write it out it would help me clear my head. So many thoughts....so many ideas....how to lasso them all?
The day started a bit of a mess....typically Sunday mornings after playing a show the night before are tough and I rarely get to sleep in after getting to bed at 2:30-3am...I was fortunate enough to sleep until around 8:30am....but just could not motivate myself enough to get up so i kept hiding under the covers somehow thinking that the day would not know I'm awake...LOL It's not that I wanted to hide from the day but there was definitely a bit of a "disturbance in the force" which I later understood was merely a test that the universe throws at you to see if you're really that serious. Well, I was that serious.
The unpredictable weather we have been having here in Central PA (if you haven't seen An Inconvenient Truth, I would highly recommend you spend the time and watch it) threw another wrench at us with this apparent Nor'easter.....mainly rain but warnings of potent snow storms. Mia and I had plans to make a presentation of ideas. When i checked my email, Mia was figuring the rain was not a good idea to take on today as it was a "monsoon" at her place. So, I kinda decided I should stay put for the day....anticipating issues with flooding and our fence in the backyard (we've had it ruined twice)...and we figured we'd just make the presentation another day. long story short...I decided to turn my cell phone on (I have such a bad habit of not turning it on) and there was a message from Mia (I'd swear we have some sixth sense connecting the 2 of us and up to this point of the day, we had actually never met in person!). Well, the storm seemed to be pushing off the coast and we weren't getting hit as bad and Mia must've got an overall feeling of going through as planned....we talked on the phone and it was quite apparent that she felt strongly to do this today (she's quite a convincing person....but I'm glad she is!) So, a quick shower and on the road by 12:50pm heading to Lancaster.
Driving down, I didn't really feel "anything." As if it was almost business-like....weird....little did I know how touched I would soon be....Law of Attraction. The intention of the day was to present a proposal of a new concept/path that Mia and I have stumbled into and that which we have titled "The Honesty In Adoption Foundation." Too much to go into now but it's a positive approach to truth and healing that we just didn't feel was present anywhere else in the manner of which we have been thinking....so we wanted to share this with some people that Mia has had connections with. Even though that was our intention for the pre-meeting topic, the meeting was an adoption support group.....something I've never experienced. In fact, there's few IN the triad that I've actually ever communicated with. So, this was something very new to me.
As I arrived, I was greeted by 3 natural moms and 3 other adoptees. Mia met me at the door and this was our first in person contact....a shared hug that just felt so right. As we chatted through the afternoon exchanging stories and suggestions, I was deeply moved when listening to the natural moms speak of their experiences....my heart hurt. At one point I suddenly realized that I have never actually met or spoken to a birth/first/natural mom....and hearing in person the pain that they felt was quite overwhelming.
Soapbox Alert! - The general public just has no idea how fucked up this whole adoption thing is....yes, there's good intentions and being served in one sense but the more you learn about the big picture...the whole picture (even as an adoptee, I didn't realize this extent)....you come to find out this is one screwed up mess. ugh
So....even now as I try to collect my thoughts, words escape me. Actually being in a room with natural moms and other adoptees, verbally expressing our thoughts and frustrations was just so......different.....but it felt good. It gave me a sense of belonging. And as we progressed forward into presenting our concept, to see the interest and the joy on their faces was truly one of the most special gifts that I could imagine giving and yet I felt as I was the one receiving. These are remarkable women...remarkable people...who have dug their feet in and pushed on regardless (thank you Dr. Pat!)....I'm sitting here trying to type but the words are not coming...only tears are coming...I think we've found something...no....I KNOW we've found something. I was so touched by these people and I am so grateful that Mia persuaded me to make the trip. It was a life changing moment.
The time seemed to fly by and soon we had to depart. After a mere 3 1/2 hours I felt as if I had known these people forever. The vibe in the room was remarkable....and energetic...joy, sadness, excitement, etc, etc....but it seemed all for the good and that we were truly onto something. Though it was not the "match" of the adoptee hugging their natural mom, the feeling of myself as an adoptee hugging a natural mom was genuine and powerful. As if it was the hug I've longed for and I didn't want to let go. Wow....thank you for that!
Like I mentioned above, there's something that has brought Mia and I together...our paths were meant to cross. As we embraced, I felt as if I was hugging the sister that I had never met. No doubt a spiritual connection between us and whatever label of why or how you choose to put on it, the fact remains that there is no such things as coincidences....this was meant to be.
As Mia and I walked back to our cars, I think we both knew that we were on the right path. Anyone who knows me knows that I have music playing (or a self-help audiobook) whenever driving....the first hour of my drive home I just enjoyed silence. Thoughts would pass through but I just observed them....very surreal for me.
The time is right. Pull up your boot straps. We're about to change the world!
...to be continued :-)
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